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How to figure out what's a priority (when everything feels like a priority)

Today’s talking points:

Remember: nothing changes if nothing changes. If you know you’re ready for the next level in your business, you have to take action. I’m sharing how I kept moving and growing in times I’ve felt stuck. Here’s how you can, too.

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Do you have a deep knowing that you’re meant for more? Maybe you know it’s time to expand your capacity or that you’re bumping into an upper limit right now.

I’m going to talk to you about what all that means and use my own experience to share the 4 biggest things I shifted, so you can get some inspiration and advice for what you can do to start to expand your capacity so that you can grow, get out of that plateau and avoid burnout.

We will chat through:

What my plateau looked like when I first started my business
The biggest places where I see all business owners get stuck (and what to do if this happens to you)
Why it’s so powerful to pause (and why so many of us don’t do this)
The importance of connecting with yourself and understanding what your brain is doing
Why you need to prioritise discomfort every single day
How I changed my identity as a coach to help me deliver even better results for my clients

I came at this episode from a different perspective than I originally anticipated so I hope this resonates with you!

What my plateau looked like when I first started my business

Looking back, I can really see clearly why I was stuck and how. It was those red or yellow flags, signalling that I was hitting my current upper limit. Recognising those is key, and taking action on them is even more essential. I've got this image in my head of water hitting a dam, refusing to flow past it. No matter what you do, that water won't budge. You've got to find the weak spot, where you can open up and make room for more flow. That's what we're getting at here.

I've been in the online business space for nearly seven years. Now I went full time in my business in August 2017. I started my blog in 2013, that's how I got started. I pivoted into coaching in 2018, then I shifted into coaching in 2018. Now, at the end of my first three years fully self-employed, 2017, 2018, and 2019, I hit burnout. Hard.

The signs were there: stagnant revenue year over year, erratic 2019 income, and an unsustainable workload. I think there are these different levels, where you get kind of comfortable at that level. Then it's whole, the whole new level new devil thing. Even if you feel like you really want to grow, you might not let yourself grow, even though it's the thing that you want most in the world to make more revenue in your business.

For me, it was clinging to the safety of earning what I did in my old job. Looking back, I see the patterns, the repetition. It was necessary, sure, but it was also holding me back.

I was stuck in those familiar problems, unwilling to embrace the unknown. By the end of 2019, I was successful, but I wasn't growing alongside my business. It felt like I was letting people down, and that scared me.

I loved my clients and wanted them happy, but I wasn't adapting. I was trapped in the belief that failure was inevitable. But I knew I had to change, break free from that cocoon of doubt.

Now, with two kids in tow, life feels more manageable. Clients see me as their personal guide, and that's how I like it. But in 2019, it was too much.

If your business isn't growing, look at yourself - not to say you're not amazing or trying hard enough, but sometimes you need external support. I invested in mentorship and tried everything but I neglected to grow my capacity for discomfort, or failure. Growth means embracing the uncomfortable, not just the positive. I got stuck because I feared messing up and pleasing everyone and this fear limited my capacity for success.

Changes I made to grow past my plateau

Let's have a chat about some key things. It's not a complete list, but these are the real game-changers I've identified. They've helped me expand my capacity and toughen up mentally, opening myself to both the good and the bad. And that's why my results are changing. So, in no particular order, let's dive in.

the first change - understanding my brain

First up, I’m understanding my brain better.

It's about getting introspective, examining what's going on up there each day. For me, this looks like the practice of coaching myself.

My mornings kick off early with my early riser kids, so I've had to find alternative times for this mental work. I've started dedicating 15 minutes when I hit my desk at 9 AM to a journaling routine. One aspect involves pouring out my thoughts and untangling the mess in my head. Mindset is so important. Our thoughts dictate our feelings, which drive our actions, ultimately shaping our results. So, by understanding this cycle, I can pinpoint my limiting beliefs, and the thoughts holding me back. You can't address these limitations without first being aware of them. As I often tell my clients, awareness is half the battle.

So many people rush in to fix problems without truly grasping their root cause. It's like using a jackhammer on everything without knowing what tool you actually need. Sure, you can throw money at strategies, tools, and courses, but if you don't understand what's happening in your mind, it's all for nothing.

For me, it's about separating myself from my thoughts and gaining some objectivity. I'm trying to bring my consciousness to what is happening subconsciously. I’m writing my thoughts down, and then looking at him and thinking, ‘Okay, that's interesting. You know, I've been walking around with that thought, and I've been accepting it as a fact but it's not really a fact, it’s just a thought. Okay, I can work with that."‘

the second change - prioritising discomfort every single day

The second thing, which might not surprise you when you think about it, is prioritising discomfort and intentionally choosing discomfort. I make a conscious effort to choose discomfort every day. One of my affirmations, which I jot down or speak aloud sometimes, is "the more I tackle the hard stuff, the easier it gets to handle the hard stuff." And that's the truth. Remember when there was this big trend in the online space where everyone was all about ease? Easy sales, easy this, easy that. People love hearing that things will be easy. It's like a magic word that opens wallets. But while easy might be what we crave on the surface, discomfort and challenges are often what we truly need. And that's been a game-changer for me.

So, what does prioritising discomfort look like? It means intentionally taking on more challenging tasks. For instance, waking up early with two kids who sometimes struggle to sleep is tough. When my alarm goes off, I'm not bouncing out of bed with enthusiasm. I'm tired, and it's hard. But I push through. I sit with my thoughts, which is hard too. Starting my day with discomfort, though, makes me feel like I'm doing something meaningful for myself. It proves to me, time and again, that I can face discomfort head-on and overcome it.

Choosing discomfort also means making conscious decisions, like not drinking alcohol. I haven't had a drop in ages. All these choices may seem uncomfortable, but they're vital for growth. Discomfort is how we've evolved as humans. Our species didn't progress because things were easy. We evolved because the conditions were harsh, and we had to adapt. You can choose discomfort to experience more comfort in the long run. By doing what most people won't, you can have a life that most people can only dream of.

As my mindset coach always says, if you want extraordinary things, you have to take extraordinary actions. You can't expect exceptional results by choosing the easy route. Now, that's not to say your life will be hard all the time. I want you to enjoy incredible moments with your family and see your biggest dreams come true. But it's going to take embracing discomfort to get there.

Choosing discomfort doesn't mean you'll be uncomfortable all the time, I promise. Even recording this podcast episode about discomfort makes me uncomfortable, yet I lead a comfortable life with dreams fulfilled. The more you embrace discomfort, the more capable you become of handling other uncomfortable situations. So, when I, as your business coach, push you to send more emails or go live on Instagram, you might feel scared. But you'll know that you're capable because you've proven to yourself time and again that you can handle discomfort and still be okay.

Remind yourself every day, in both big and small ways, that you can handle discomfort. The more you practice discomfort, the less it will hold you back from doing what you need to do. Choosing discomfort is essential if you want to change your life. It's the second thing I did to strengthen my belief in handling difficult emotions, extending my capacity, and breaking through plateaus. It's amazing how these realisations unfold, isn't it?

the third change - ALtering my identity as a coach

The third point is allowing my coaching style to evolve with my clients. Specifically, I've granted myself permission to accept when my clients might feel annoyed with me.

To my clients, you know how much I cherish you, you truly brighten my day, however, I've come to terms with the reality that my clients won't always see eye to eye with me. If the 2020 version of me could hear this, she'd be shocked. Back then, my top priority was for my clients to like me and always be pleased with me. Every action revolved around ensuring their happiness, but this hindered me in numerous ways. It prevented me from being the best coach I could be kept me stagnant, and turned toxic at my end. Any relationship where you’re only over-concerned with how much someone likes you or if they're happy is not a healthy dynamic.

As soon as I made peace with the fact that my clients might find fault with me, I experienced a shift. Sometimes they might disagree with my advice or question my recommendations. Yet, my primary focus remains on helping my clients achieve tangible results and facilitating positive change in their lives. Consequently, there are occasions when I need to deliver hard truths, even if they're unwelcome.

In the past, if making my clients happy conflicted with what they needed to hear to achieve results, I would prioritise their happiness. My coaching identity used to revolve around being the ever-cheerful supporter. While I still love cheering my clients on, I no longer view myself solely as a cheerleader. I now see myself more as an Olympic coach, unafraid to push and challenge my clients when necessary, always from a place of kindness and empathy.

Embracing this coaching style has forced me to become more comfortable with difficult emotions. I've accepted that a coaching session might end with my clients feeling disgruntled or uncertain. While I can't say for certain if my clients have hs such thoughts, I've shifted my focus. Instead of dwelling on whether my clients are pleased with me, I now prioritise coaching them towards their goals and better outcomes. This shift has undoubtedly made me a more effective coach, resulting in greater client success. Moreover, it has expanded my capacity to navigate challenging situations.

Previously, any client conflict would deeply affect my mental health, sending my stress levels soaring. I would obsess over resolving the issue and how I can restore peace and happiness. Now, I'm confident in my ability to address any client's concerns, even if they involve difficult emotions. I've become adept at leaning into discomfort and approaching challenges with curiosity and a problem-solving mindset.

My number one concern is my client’s results and that’s changed everything. It's forced me to expand my capacity for the difficult. Because of that, I'm really proud of the coach that I've become.

the fourth change - Support beyond strategy

The last thing I want to share about what's changed, allowing me to grow significantly, is that I've become much more supportive and supported.

While strategy is crucial, I've realised the need for support beyond strategy. I now fully believe that there’s no client situation I can't handle. The only reason I believe that is because I know I'm not alone.

If I had to be within these four walls, solving all my biggest business problems, I think I would just quit. But I have a business coach and a life coach, readily available whenever I need them. If something tricky comes up, I know where to go. I'm not alone, and I don't have to be stuck inside my own head. All I have to do is raise my hand for help. Now, that can be difficult; it can be hard to prioritise raising my hand for help. But the help is there. I have the right support. I feel like I get to share the load. I feel like I have a trusted board of directors, a board of advisors, who I can turn to and say, "Okay, what do you think about this? What do you think about this?" Having that support means I'm not scared anymore. I'm not scared to grow and scale because I know I don't have to do it alone. And I think that's huge.

You can also look for support in your personal life. We used to fight to do our food shop once a week, and then all of a sudden, I just thought, "This is wasting so much time. Let's just get it delivered."

If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got.

I used to just take everything on myself, I didn't even look for help. When I hit a roadblock, I just used to pile more on my plate. Now I like to pause and lean into the help. And I ask myself, "How can I lean into more help?"

I know that it goes against our nature to lean for help. As a culture, we're so independent but independence can sometimes wreck us. So how can you lean into help instead of taking your thoughts as facts? Instead of putting more and more onto your plate? How can you pause and figure out how to get help, no matter what that looks like for you?

let’s recap

So, boss, these are the four biggest things that I have changed. Honestly, my life is unrecognisable in terms of how I feel inside my brain, and in my own skin.

I really want to encourage you to take the piece of this that resonates with you. It'll probably be different for you but maybe it’s touched on some ideas of what you can start to do to expand your capacity so that you can grow and get out of that plateau

If you think that you are feeling those burnout vibes, this is probably a sign that you are bumping up against that upper limit. So it's time to ask yourself, where is that pressure valve? Where can you open up space so that water has room to flow? And what might that look like for you?

In case you missed it here is last weeks episode: How to actually prioritise when everything feels important