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Today’s talking point:

Today is Jacob's first birthday so I'm getting vulnerable and raw and sharing with you the fears I had around becoming a mum and running a business. I'm going to tell you how motherhood has changed my business for the better and what the past year has taught me.

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Today is Jacob's first birthday. So today, I wanted to talk about motherhood: a topic I honestly never thought I'd cover on this podcast. And I'm going to be getting vulnerable with you because I'm going to be sharing why I was afraid to become a mum, and how much it has changed me and my business. I want to tell you why I shouldn't have been afraid and what motherhood has taught me over this past year.

Before we move on, I want to say that if you are in the season of yearning for a family, if you're unable to have children of your own, or you're recovering from loss I am truly sorry, I have so much empathy for where you are at. And if any of this episode gets hard on your heart, please press pause. I am still going to be talking a lot about business in this episode, but the two are definitely going to cross over.

For those of you who have made the decision to not have children, you do you it's totally your decision. And lastly, for those of you who want to become a mum but feel fear, this is for you. Because while my yearning was so strong to start a family, my fear ran deep. And so in this episode, I want to share how motherhood has changed both me and my business.

I wanted to start with a journal entry I wrote after Jacob was born. This is a very vulnerable moment for me. I don't usually read out my journal entries. This is what it says:

I was so afraid to have a baby. I loved work so much. I enjoyed my freedom. I didn't want my body to change. I needed my sleep at night. There were so many reasons why I was worried about becoming a mum.
Yet I knew I was always meant to be one. And as soon as I looked into Jacobs’s eyes that washed away all of my fears. I didn't know that a part of me was missing until I looked into his eyes for the first time. I loved him instantly.
And now I know that my baby hasn't taken me away from my business. It's made me even more powerful as a coach and as a business owner, and my drive to work harder and make a bigger impact is even stronger. That didn't fade away. I didn't realise I was capable of what I've been through. And even though I've been knocked back mentally and physically so much I know I'll overcome this. I realised that those fears were taking up space that could have been filled with dreams.
Being a mum is the best thing that's ever happened to me. And it's stretched me in new ways. Motherhood is forcing me to morph into a new version of myself, one that I never knew I could be.

How motherhood has transformed me

I can truly say in the last 12 months, I have felt this transformation. And while you're watching Jacob grow through my Instagram posts and my stories, I'm busy growing in ways that you might not be able to see and I'm just so excited to share that with you today.

legacy

Motherhood has helped me to understand legacy. It's kind of crazy for me how many years I've been talking about legacy. And now it's even more true for me today.

I started thinking about legacy before my husband and I even got married back when I was using my blog as an online journal of sorts. And I remember when my brain shifted from using it just for marketing online to truly telling a story or making a difference and leaving a legacy. There was a moment when I realised that the things we write and post and share today are things that others will still be reading in the future. We are writing our legacies with every post we publish. And that really matters to me.

I know this might sound funny, but I used to always think about my legacy in terms of me. What will people remember of me? What things did I see that mattered to me. And when I say that out loud, I realised how selfish and self-centred that sounds. I mean, talk about being humbled into selflessness by becoming a mum. And I'm not afraid to admit that at all.

While I understood legacy and believed I was writing mine, having a human to picture as I draft each post, and imagining him someday reading them, gives a whole new meaning to the term legacy. For me, imagining and recognising that Jacob can someday Google his mum, and read about me online, is both terrifying and empowering. I want him to see my life through each post and to know that our lives offline were even more amazing.

I want him to see me admit when I'm wrong. I want him to see me cry, and have feelings when life drops down. I want him to not just look at me as perfect, but as a human. And I think that that will prepare him for the world so much better than if we try to pretend like we have it all figured out.

softness

Motherhood has also softened me and I don't really know how to explain this, but it's noticeable in so many ways. And I could crack a joke about how motherhood has softened my body and oh my goodness, it definitely has. But there's something different about me as a whole the way I approach life, the way I approach business, the way I see the world.

I think there's something absolutely innocent about a baby and seeing that nothing is truly urgent. It's all about learning how to be present in a whole new way. That’s softened me and the people that love me the most see that in me.

And I kind of love that because I've honestly struggled a lot through life being told I'm too bubbly, too loud, too strong-willed, too bossy. And for a long time, I felt like those were fatal flaws. But I've come to realise that those are the things that brought me to where I am today.

This new softness is something that I am welcoming into my life and something that I'm learning to appreciate. I don't really know how to put a finger on it. Maybe you've noticed it, maybe you haven't. But I can tell you firsthand that I felt it.

time

Motherhood has helped me to see time in a brand new way. Just how much growth can happen in just 12 months is amazing. The transformation month on month is incredible. I mean, when else in your life do you grow so quickly and learn so much as you do in that first year of life? I think I never really had a ruler to hold up in my adult world that the difference that a month can make. And so having a baby taught me to treasure each month and to really stop and take in the milestones and acknowledge them.

And I think one of my proudest moments so far is the fact that I've kept up with my monthly documenting of Jacob. I've taken pictures and videos of him every single day. And selfishly I do that so I'll have those little reminders and Facebook memories of how big my boy has grown. But also because I get to share and document and bask in the growth that has happened in just 30 days. I find myself now in awe of how much can truly change. I mean, how can a tiny, fully dependent human go from this cute little blob to our walking, crawling, talking teeth going kiddo in just one year?

I've also been working on fiercely protecting time so that I can be with him every single day and see the growth not just in him, but in myself each month as well.

And I also look at time each day in a new way. In this season, I'm realising that there is very little margin, I feel like my time is devoted to being a mum, or to running my business. And that tiny margin that lives beyond those two things, is where everything else has to go. And that is something that I am still trying to figure out.

One of the hardest aspects of time is when I'm trying to do all the things at once. Like when I'm in the middle of a working day, but Jacob needs to eat so I go down for lunch and I want to be present with him. I'm very good at switching between the two but it's a constant battle of this feeling of being half in on everything. It’s the juggling act that everyone talks about.

Sometimes I will reply to client messages while Jacob plays. And I said I would never do that. But I try and remind myself that it's okay that he sees his mum working.

It hasn't been an easy transition coming back to work from maternity leave. And I'm very lucky that I work from home, and I have my business from home. But I have to be really strict with myself as well because I could get so easily distracted. You've just got to keep going. And this is the juggle.

But if anything, I hope it empowers others in this season to realise that yes, you can juggle and still make an impact while trying to do all of the things. It's not going to be pretty all of the time. But for me, it's absolutely been worth it.

mind

One other undeniable thing about motherhood is how it has changed my mind. I'm not ready to share the details now, but I have been affected mentally since Jacobs's birth. It's a work in progress and I have been working on my mindset so much.

Motherhood has also forced me to ask for help. If you've listened to this podcast for a while, you will know I am a huge lover of outsourcing. But simply asking for help, it's not my cup of tea: I'd avoid it at all costs if I could. And I did for a really long time until I became a mum.

I remember really early in my pregnancy when I felt so unlike myself and so exhausted, it taught me a really valuable lesson in asking for help. And that carried me throughout my maternity leave. Specifically, when it came to business, it prepared me in so many ways in my business to really set myself up to become the kind of mother that I want to be.

I realised in order for me to be that mum, I had to learn how to ask for help and how to fill in the gaps of my business with key players to help me.

This is also centred around one of the biggest fears I had about becoming a mum. I was worried that having a baby would hold my business back or slow me down or steal my drive away. And while I didn't know what motherhood would be like, I approached it with as much preparedness as I possibly could.

While I was pregnant, I wrote down every task I did during a week. From the big things to the minor things. And then I went through that list and split it into two things: those only I could do and those someone else could do. And my list was so small.

When I made that list, I saw how many things I could outsource, automate, delegate or remove altogether. And so as I prepare to have a baby, I started hiring and getting more help in all the places except for three areas: being the voice and face of my business and driving the vision.

reflection

Motherhood has made me go inward. I think before when I was posting, all it had to do with was me and now entering motherhood, I've really had a hard time deciding what of my life I want to share.

I recognise that Jacob didn't choose to be born into this world. And so navigating, sharing my greatest joy and someone that I spend all day every day with I mean, it's exciting. So many of you have been on this journey with us.

It feels weird to not share that part of my life, especially because I preach having a business that supports your life. But I'm constantly battling this line of what is comfortable and what should I withhold and what memories should never see the light of a screen.

And I've really just kind of gone inward in a lot of ways. I think about things more than I used to, I think: is this necessary to share? Should I be sharing this? What does this look like? And I don't have all the answers.

But I feel like I've gone way more inward. As a mom, I know, I still share bits and pieces, but I tried to make sure that they are respectful of my son. It's balancing this life and setting him up for the future in a way that wouldn't be possible without my business. But also realising that I chose this and he didn’t.

I wish I had more answers on this. It's such an interesting topic. And I just want you to know that becoming a mom has made me think a lot more and a lot harder about what we're putting out there and how we're sharing our lives with the world.

To be honest, it's really made me strive to create a life that I could shut this down at any day. At any point, honestly, my biggest goal now is to save as much money as possible to be able to create the largest cushion that we possibly could so that any day I decided I wanted to retire, I could.

Now, full transparency; I'm not planning on doing that anytime soon. But wouldn't that be the ultimate source of freedom to show up every day not because of money, but because of heart and passion and the desire to impact? That is my biggest goal. And I think motherhood has pushed me to pursue that in new ways.

evolving

Now the last big thing that I've noticed is motherhood has made me aim for results. It’s made me empowered in a brand new way.

I am finding myself taking bigger risks and trying new things; growing and evolving, and not allowing myself to be stagnant. I feel like this new version of myself is this one that has come up fully alive, saying, ‘I know this is possible for my life’.

Part of it is how I was brought up, and how I want Jacob to be brought up. I want to show him that you can do anything that you set your mind to. You are driven, you are strong, you are passionate, you are powerful, you are courageous. And when I show up believing those things to be true for myself, I'm painting a picture of what is truly possible for him.

So I feel like motherhood has made me aim for those bigger results. It's made me say ‘yes, this is possible’. Because every time I see him watching his mama, I think about what kind of example I am setting for him. I think about it in every aspect of my life. It's constantly on my mind: in business, in self-love, in my mindset, the way that I show up as a wife, as a mother, the way that I treat other people. I am his biggest teacher and I take that to heart in such an incredible way.

I was terrified about becoming a mum, I really was. And while there was such a deep yearning inside of me, there was also so much fear that accompanied it. I think for so long my business was my baby and I was worried that having an actual baby was going to take me away from that.

I think that our journey to become parents really has us questioning bigger things. What do we want our lives to look like as parents? What do we want our days to look like as parents? How do we want to be working? What do we want to commit to?

I have spent time and will continue to spend time giving Jacob the best life possible. And I don't have perfect life. I am definitely not the perfect mum. I don't have it all figured out. But motherhood has changed me in such an incredible way.

I wish that I could go back and tell myself don't be fearful stepping into this new version of you. You might not fully recognise her at first, but you will become her. She is strong, she is loving, she is capable, she is courageous. And she is an example for not just her son, but for others.

I honestly didn't know how my business would survive alongside me being a mum. But here I am today recording this episode, feeling like I am the best version of myself that I've ever been. I'm still just as imperfect. I'm still figuring things out as I go. I'm still just doing the best that I can. But showing up today I feel more whole than I've ever felt in my entire life. And I don't know any other way to describe it.

Being a mum is a lot of things: it's a juggling act, it's messy, it's definitely not glamorous, but it has been absolutely worth it. And today as I record this episode, wherever you are at, I just want for you to know that you don't have to be afraid.

My biggest lessons from year one of motherhood

So, I kind of wanted to end this by summarising my seven biggest key takeaways from the past 12 months.

Number one: I started asking myself about the purpose of my work.

After becoming a mom and contemplating the smallness of pretty much everything around me compared to the miracle of carrying and nurturing life, I started to think about purpose more and more. I am waiting for the day that Jacob asks me, ‘why do you go to work?’

That is a question I asked my podcast guests, my clients. And yes, bills need to be paid and we must work in life. Yet there has to be more to life and work than simply checking the box and making money.

And as I raise a son who looks at what I do, more than how he listens to what I say, it's so important to me that what I do inspires him in a good way.

So I need to know why I do what I do. Motherhood has really helped me get even more clear on my purpose.

Number two: it's become very important to me to teach Jacob about the meaning of work.

Work occupies such an important part of our lives. My mum and dad have always worked hard, and I want to follow their example. It feels even more important to share the work that I do with Jacob.

I thought that after university, I would just get a job, stay there and work my way up. I didn't know I could find a line of work for myself that would light me up and create a role I could call my own.

And as a parent, I want to open up these lines of communication with Jacob because only by understanding my career and what it means to me, can I share this meaning with him.

Number three: being fulfilled is more important than making money.

It's always been important to me to have financial security, but fulfilment takes a front seat. I know that a lack of fulfilment in my work would negatively impact me as an individual and a mum. So that is why being fulfilled and joyful in my work beats any amount of zeros in my bank account.

Number four: motherhood has given me permission to chase my dreams.

As I speak to many mums around me, it seems as if motherhood is this signal to stop living for ourselves. Somehow, after becoming mums, it seems that we're all to give up on our individuality and stop chasing our dreams to dedicate ourselves entirely to the task of raising our children.

And I was tempted to buy into it as well. Until I remembered that you cannot give what you don't have. How could I, as a mom, give my children the hope, joy, ambition and anticipation of going after their dreams if I abandoned mine? How would I explain to them someday that I didn't live the life I wanted to because of them.

It wasn't until I had Jacob that I gave myself full permission to just go for it not because I owed it to myself, even though we do but also because I owe it to him to at least try.

Number five: the goal is more freedom.

I am so grateful to be at home every single day. Jacob doesn't have to go to nursery yet. I am so grateful I'll be able to take him to him from school when he's older. The pursuit of time and space freedom is a priority.

For me, flexibility is so important and had to become a major part of any career I would work in. The goal is always to create more freedom in my work, not just money or advancement.

Number six: being the best version of myself became crucial.

Becoming a mum made me feel terrified at the thought of missing any milestones. The thought of Jacob growing up without me terrifies me. I have never been more driven to be the best version of myself that I can possibly be physically, mentally and spiritually. And that also to me means doing my best and most fulfilling work in a way that allows me to be present, healthy, grateful and ultimately very happy.

And number seven: leaving a legacy is key.

As mums and as parents in general. Most of us work to leave a legacy to our families. And considering how much work occupies our existences it forces us to think about the legacy we're leaving our kids when it comes to our careers. What are we teaching them about work? What are we not teaching them that we should? How are we impacting the work they will be doing?

It certainly pushed me to consider what I was leaving Jacob when it came to working, of which the most important quote I have for is ‘to do work with purpose on purpose, and lead by serving’.

So that is how being a mum has changed my business for the better. Everything that I have implemented to help me get to this point is what I teach in the Busy to Boss Academy.