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Today’s talking point:

To celebrate my 31st birthday, I'm sharing 31 valuable lessons I've learned about life, family and business. I hope you find them as helpful as I have.

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I’m about to turn 31. And what do you always do on birthdays? You appreciate the fact that you are still here and reflect on your time and what you are going to take into your next year of life. And so I thought it would be really fun to share 31 of the biggest lessons that I've learned in my 31 years of life.

I was playing with Jacob one day recently, and it hit me and I was just like, ‘you know, I've got a few reflections about my life so far’. And so I want to share them with you.

The lessons

1) Be here now in the present

Pretty simple. Be in this space around you with the people around you. I would also add a side note that says laugh every day. So be here now and make sure you laugh every single day.

2) Only focus on what you can control.

If you've followed me for any length of time, you'll probably know that the one book that I read every single day is The Daily Stoic. I have learned so much from this book about recognising what you can control and what you can't control. And let me tell you It helps your stress and anxiety levels a lot. It's a prompt that I always give my clients and one that I want to give you now, only focus on what you can control.

3) There’s no rush, take your time

For a lot of my life, I felt like I was rushing and always going to the next thing which actually created a lot of unnecessary stress. So actually recognising that I can take my time, and that I should take my time, has made me embrace more of who I am, and not feel like I always have to be doing things for the people all of the time.

There is no rush. Just take your time.

4) Schedules and routines are tools, not chains

They allow you to give your best time and energy to what matters most. But they should not tie you down, or make you feel like you can't move things around your morning routine, your evening routine, or your calendar.

They are all tools to help you get to where you want to be, not tie you down.

5) Your worth is not defined by how much you get done in a day

I think it's so great to have goals and to have a strong purpose. But it is so imperative that you still love and appreciate yourself without all of the extra stuff. It's not about getting everything done. It's about getting the right stuff done.

6) Productivity is doing what matters most when it matters most

It is that simple. Truly, you could have a to-do list the length of your arm. But if it's not filled with tasks that are needle-moving for you, and if it's not full of tasks that actually mean something then it means nothing.

7) Being mindful of the season that you're in, allows you to adapt what your productivity looks like day to day

This means that you are honouring your energy as you work towards your goals. This is so important. My season right now, compared to when Jacob was two weeks old. It couldn't be more different yet. Can you imagine if in those very early newborn days, can you imagine if I'd given myself a million things to do, I was already completely overwhelmed as it was.

Be mindful of the season that you are in and adapt your productivity to fit that.

8) No one is going to do the work for you. The heart work, the mind work, the goal work: you have got to choose to step into grace-filled discipline and show up. And I really want to run through some guidelines as to what grace-filled discipline looks like:

Check in with yourself daily You do this by asking yourself questions. How do I feel today? What do I need to feel supported today? How can I show up well for my goals while taking care of myself today. And then after you ask yourself those questions, you can show up every day in a way that honours your mental health and your physical health.
Ditch the all-or-nothing mentality and embrace a slower, more peaceful approach to working towards our goals. Working toward our goals is a lifelong thing. It's a journey. It's a marathon, it's not a sprint, you are not racing against anyone. So just take a breath and do it well. Go after your goals in a way that is sustainable.
Celebrate small wins along the way. So with your focus less on the pursuit of the goal itself and more on the person that you are becoming as you grow toward your goal.
Be flexible when things don't go to plan. This looks like being willing to pause, reflect and shift when necessary.
Trust that things all work together for you when you are operating in alignment with love.

9) Being the boss of your life is about knowing your heart and establishing boundaries, habits and routines that support the season of life that you are in

I have had so many conversations with business owners recently who are feeling guilty and bad for taking a step back from things over the summer.

There is actually nothing wrong with you feeling this way. It actually shows how much you care. And the biggest reason that we feel like this and we have this guilt is that culture or our society tells us that we always need to be going on to the next thing we need to be pushing forward. We need to be doing more.

And it's so easy for hustle culture to say that we are lazy if we take a step back and only glamorise when we are in that ‘go season’. Being the boss of your life is really about you intentionally choosing to put something on the backburner. And when that happens, something else takes place on the front burner, but it's a conscious choice. It's about giving yourself permission to do that and not beat yourself up over it.

10) If it's not on the calendar, it doesn't get done.

We love a calendar block. We are going to appreciate the time in our day, we are going to use every moment to the best of our ability and we are going to put it on the calendar. Do what you say you are going to do, show up when you say you're going to show up. Be the boss of your time. Put it on the calendar.

11) Drink water first

Really simple: drink water first. I am always ready for a cup of tea in the morning. But if you're feeling like you're not sure what you should be doing, maybe you've got a headache, you're not feeling great, you're hungry, you don't really know how your body is feeling, drink water first. The first thing that I do in the morning is to have my hot lemon water.

12) Be mindful of how you talk to yourself, especially whenever you say ‘I am’

Basically, never say something negative after beginning a sentence with ‘I am’. And I know this is going to sound a little bit odd if you don't know what I'm talking about. But I believe that when you say ‘I am’, you are speaking of your higher self. And if we want to think of our higher selves, in that spiritual aspect, when you believe you have the ability to live as your highest self and think as your highest self, you don't want to say anything negative.

When you say ‘I am’, you are manifesting exactly who you intend to be. And you don't even realise that you're manifesting negativity when you say something like, ‘I'm so stupid. I'm so silly. I'm so behind’. Whatever it is, it's doing yourself a disservice and your highest self a disservice.

13) Read nonfiction every day

I really wanted to people-please with this and put ‘read every day’. But I can't. If I read anything, it's going to be non-fiction. I want a lesson. I want something I can learn from.

14) Choose a more empowering meaning

This is something that my mindset coach Chloe Slade taught me. Life is all about the meaning that you associate with things. But you have the power to give things a different meaning.

So for example, let's say you were into a launch and you made no sales on the first day. You could think, ‘oh, okay, I failed, that means a launch is over, it's a done deal, I'm just not going to try’. Or you can give that a different meaning.

Ask yourself: what meaning would serve me better?

15) Be a good listener without relying on your words

Something that I think all of us introverts do a pretty bad job of is showing that we are good listeners with our ears. It's really easy to show someone you're listening to them by saying a bunch of stuff back to them. And what we tend to do is share our own experiences so that they know, we just heard what they said.

But what's actually happening is that person's not being heard. Because if you're talking, then you're not listening, you're just not, do not rely on your words to prove you are a good listener.

16) Don't compare. But if you do, compare yourself only to who you were yesterday

There is literally no one on planet earth you can compare yourself to because we have all had separate journeys. The only person who has the exact same journey as you is the person you were yesterday.

You cannot compare yourself to anyone else. You can see other things, you can be happy for other people and think I want that for myself. No need to compare yourself to them.

If you're unhappy with your results right now, look at what you did yesterday, what happened? Why did it not go to plan? What can we learn from that? Why are we not doing something different to learn from that?

17) Any worry or anxiety is a sign to reconnect to the vision

Anytime I have any worries or I feel any anxiety, for me that is a trigger that I have lost sight of my vision. And a great example of this is earlier this year when I had the mastermind launch, and I was putting it on a pedestal I was making it mean that if the launch of the mastermind was successful, then my business was successful. And if the launch of the mastermind failed, then my business would fail and I was putting it on this pedestal. Whereas when I saw it as part of the bigger vision, everything completely changed and how I show up changed and ended up being one of the best launches ever.

We need to understand the vision first. Because once you know that, then you can start to understand what you need to do to get there, you have got to get clear on this. And you've got to look for evidence that it is possible. Always reconnect to the vision.

18) Move your body

So important, move your body. This is a part of our daily boss five habits. One of them is movement. If you move your body, you move your mind.

If you can't move your body, do whatever you can to give yourself that state of mind that you need to feel moved. It doesn't matter what your abilities are. Move your body in the way that it makes a difference for you to move your mind because it will make all the difference.

19) Take pleasure and time off without guilt

Oh, man, this is a hard one for me. And actually one of my biggest pet peeves is the phrase ‘guilty pleasure’. When we find pleasure in our life, we should be happy to brag about that. We should be happy to fully immerse ourselves in that we should be happy that we get to do it when we get to do it because we're still here living this life.

And it's exactly the same for taking time off: you do not have to work 24/7 You deserve time off. And you do not have to feel guilty for not working on your business, take pleasure and take time off without guilt.

20) Discipline will always be motivation

Ask yourself: what do I need to survive and thrive in this season? Motivation is fleeting it comes and goes. Motivation is greatly influenced by outside factors or circumstances.

Discipline is part of your character. It's internally rooted because you know why you are showing up for your goals. Motivation is fleeting, it's based on external things, whereas discipline is steadfast.

21) Practice, practice, practice

If you're trying to get somewhere you've got to practice. You're not going to be good at it right away. And I know that can be hard to hear for some of us. Practice.

22) Focus on the one thing that makes you extraordinary, and let the rest go

If you focus on that one thing that's special to you, or the one thing you want to be special to you, and you practice life gets a lot simpler.

You don't do too much, you don't have too many ideas. How do you want to win? Where do you want to win? What do you want to win? And are you actually practising that in your day-to-day. Focus on that one thing that you want to point out to everyone else in terms of how extraordinary you are, and then let the rest go. You can't be extraordinary at everything because it takes too much work to be extraordinary at one thing.

23) Show up as if you've already won

If I said to you, ‘tomorrow, you're going to hit all of your goals’, how would you show up? This should be your energy, especially when you are selling and promoting yourself. So ask yourself this question: how many people have already said yes to me? And how can I make this the most fun that they have when they fill out that checkout form.

Let go of the energy that it has to happen and instead come from the energy that it's already done. And show up every day as if you've already achieved your goals. Have confidence, have faith, be unapologetic when you show up and talk about the things that are already within you. Your people need you, you need to stay in your power. And you do that by showing up as if you've already won.

24) If you want to do what everyone else is doing, have a very good reason why

Now, if the thing everyone else is doing is having a barbecue on a Saturday afternoon then you could find a reason. But it’s no way to run a business.

So what is it that you want to do? Because everyone else is doing it. But you don't have a very good reason why rectify that very quickly.

25) Don't fall into the trap of always doing what everyone else is doing

If you are constantly doing what everyone else is doing that you don't have your own identity, you do not want to fall into that trap. There are many things that you are going to do because everyone else is doing them and you're going to enjoy that. But if it's your purpose, make sure you chose it for yourself.

26) Embody who you want to be

This one is so important. We think about what we want for ourselves and our lives. And we think about all the things we don't have. But in reality, we should be thinking about the person that we want to be. What would that person look like? What would that person act like? What would that person talk like? What would that person do when they woke up every day?

Embody that person. Do the work, be that person.

27) Ships don't sink because of the water around them ships sink because of the water that gets inside them

Don't let what's happening on the outside, get on the inside. It's been nearly a year since I came back from maternity leave. And it's safe to say that over the past 12 months, I've felt a range of emotions, sadness, frustration, guilt, disappointment, hopefulness, celebration, and happiness.

But despite all of these emotions, and despite all the things that are happening on the outside, I've had to constantly remind myself to detach and recognise that I can't let everything that's happening on the outside affect me on the inside. And to take it day by day.

Mindset is everything. And the more that you can work on creating stillness on the inside, the more you can ensure the chaos on the outside doesn't suck you in.

28) If I can get through x, then I can get through y

One of my favourite ways to work through difficult times is by reminding myself of previous difficult times that I've worked through. It’s not to remind myself how hard they were, but to remind myself that time is always on your side.

And like the saying goes, ‘this too shall pass’.

29) Happiness is a choice, not a circumstance

This is a quote that I have on the first page of my journal because it's a constant reminder that everything is my choice. It's a decision to see what you want to see, to feel what you want to feel, to hear what you want to hear. Yes, crappy, terrible, awful days happen. You can absolutely feel all of those emotions. But one thing I like to remind myself of is not only that happiness is a choice, but I also see it as a skill.

It takes skill to decide to find the positive despite having a terrible day. It takes skill to decide to forgive someone who upset you. It takes skill to take the high road. It takes skill to go for a walk to exercise and to do whatever it takes to calm yourself down. And for me, it's a skill I'm practising every single day.

But I can assure you, the moment I saw happiness as a skill and a choice was the moment everything changed for me.

30) Stay in your own lane

I used to only watch my competitor’s stuff. And now I will honestly be the first to admit that I don't watch any of them anymore.

This is to protect my creative integrity, but also my mental health. However, from time to time, it doesn't mean I don't get curious and start creeping around. And unfortunately, most times I leave those situations feeling stressed and not good enough.

You will never get to where you're going if you are lost on someone else's path. Stay in your own lane.

31) Nothing in business is an emergency

One thing I always repeat to myself is ‘everything will always be okay’. Even if one day, I lose it all and my business goes bust, I will still have my beautiful son, my husband and my family.

I guarantee there is someone out there who loves you unconditionally. Even without your business. There are people out there who will take care of you who will offer their sofa to you, and who will keep you safe and warm.

Never take these people for granted in the pursuit of growing your business.

And remember that no matter what happens, you will always be able to find safety. You are doing just fine because being alive is already such a gift. No matter how many team members leave you, no matter how many clients leave you, no matter how many posts flop, no matter how little money is rolling in right now, no matter how many bad launches you have. You're still here. Nothing in business is an emergency.