Today I was supposed to write a post about freelance writing. The plan was to share with you why I want to add freelance writing to my personal brand, along with an action plan so you can help to hold me accountable.
But when it came to writing the post, I didn't feel like it. It wasn't what I wanted to write about. I actually felt called to write something else, so here we are.
On Sunday morning I was very emotional. I let out what I'd been keeping inside me for a good few weeks. It was about a mixture of things. But the basis of it was that I just felt completely overwhelmed.
I get so many comments and questions from you on here and on social media and you wonder how I do it all. You say how good I'm doing, how well I mange my time and that you just can't believe that I do everything I do. I even write about managing your time and what to do when things get too much.
Well I'm breaking through that outlook today, and I really hope I don't disappoint you. Because the truth is, even though I try my absolute hardest, I can't do it all. I can't. I had such a huge to-do list this past weekend and there was no way on this planet that I was going to get it all done. I got done as much as I could. But doing it all would've meant missing out on rest and time with my family.
Now, some people out there might say, well if you want to work for yourself you've got to be prepared to give up your weekends and sacrifice time with your loved ones. But I don't want to do that. It got to the point where on Sunday morning, Tom wanted to take a trip to the coast because it was such a beautiful day. And I was under the impression that I'd feel guilty if I went. I'd feel guilty if I went and enjoyed myself.
So I lost it. Because I honestly didn't know what else to do. I'd been trying so hard to hold it together for so long, refusing to accept the fact that I'd have to let something go. But it got to the point when I just got so emotional about everything and that's made me realise that I can't go on like this.
I had a long chat with my mum and dad, and Tom as well. And even though they know how much I love running my blog, doing my freelance work, and that I never want to pass up an opportunity, they all said that something needed to give and I couldn't go on this way.
And that's where I'm at.
Where do I go from here? I'm not sure. I'm still feeling quite emotional and I haven't really figured things out yet. But if you've ever felt like this at any point in your life, I want you to know that you're not alone.
You're not alone in feeling like you're doing all this for nothing. You're not alone in feeling like you'll never reach your goals. You're not alone in feeling like your ideas aren't worth sharing. You're not alone. You're not alone.
Right now, I'm sat outside in the blazing hot sunshine. I'm writing this on Monday at half five. And after that, I'm not going to do anything. I'm going to enjoy the sunshine. I'm not going to let myself feel guilty or pressurised in having to do certain things. I'm just going to let myself be.
Some people might see this confession as weakness. They might read my words and think "she'll never make it."
But you know what? The people who don't share their struggles are the weak ones. We're not invincible. We're human.
So I need to adjust a few things over the next few weeks and try to find my feet again. And I really hope you'll stick with me, like you always do.
But in spite of all this, I've also been feeling more positive about my blog and personal brand than ever before. In the midst of all the stress, sweat and tears it can take to do everything that you want to do, sometimes it's also good to take a minute, pause and embrace all the good things that this journey brings with it.
My blog is rooted within me and it's been like that since day one. I feel like having this online space helps me live the life I want to live and I need to start realising that more, and be more grateful for it too.
I've got some great content coming up that I'm really excited about and we had a special launch for the Blogging Breakthrough community this week that I'm really excited about. So there's lots to look forward to.
It's just about making sure you're not just doing everything - but that you're doing the right things for you.
Thanks for sticking with me,